At first, I couldn't believe it had happened. Of course I thought it was a mistake. I spent most of the past twelve months bouncing back and forth between depression and anger. It seemed like the anger was the only thing that pulled me out of the depression. I've also done a lot of bargaining. "If I work hard enough to get "justice"....
I've only recently started to even think about acceptance. I can't say that I'm finished with anger and depression, but they "take over" less often now - replaced by determination to make a difference.
When something like this happens, that's so HARD to comprehend, so pointless and sad, how DO people go on?
I'm sure not the one with the answers on that. What I can say is that keeping busy, finding ways to make a difference going forward and making sure everyone knows that I haven't forgotten has helped.
January 12th 2013 changed me.
It changed my view of the world and my place in it.
It changed the way I think about my relationships.
It changed my goals for the future.
Basically, it changed how I think about everything.
So today, on the anniversary of the day Ethan was killed, I'm trying to focus on the amazing advocacy of the Saylor family and the good that I think this community can do. It was the fight for #JusticeForEthan that brought us "BloggerMoms" together. In his memory we will build a community that is there to support parents and caregivers through difficult times - like the past year, celebrate our successes, share resources and advice, and just be there to listen when we need to know someone out there "gets it."
Thank you to all of you out there who get it!
Much love to all the Saylors!